Ugh.

Jamie=kinda fed up with feeling obligated to listen and prove herself

Because I'm not proving a damned thing, nor should I always have to.

I just feel like lately, people are trying to control me waaayyy too much and they're really not listening to what I have to say. I feel like my choices have to be theirs or else everyone's angry at me.

I'm feeling animosity towards people I love dearly; it's become exhausting and disappointing being around them, and I feel betrayed. I put myself in a position where I felt it necessary to lie bold-faced and break promises because I realized that they were not made for me in any sense. I promised to appease other people and thought that maybe I could follow through.

So.

I will not make promises that I'm not assured that I can keep. I need to think things through before I know a damned thing. I will hurt people if I am made to make decisions or promises before their prime. It was foolish of me to do it in the first place. I fucked a lot of people over that way.

That being said:

Do not ask me to promise you anything right away. Ever. I am not a rash person, but I rushed myself and made myself into one. Crash and burn. I am upset by what people were asking of me. I'm tempted to believe that it is better for you to wait for me to make even a simple decision than for me to say I'll do something and then do something else.

Be patient. Not just with me, though.

My convictions have been very much tried all along the way, and I can't blame anyone but myself for my actions. I am no villain, however. I just need to act for myself, okay? You all are allowed that privilege.

All right, all right, I'm making it sound like I'm a slave or something. I know that I'm not. I know that I am the only one who can put myself at someone else's mercy. I have a lot to learn, still.

I need some space from people who try to influence me so much. I love you for you. I don't want you to change...

Well, that's about it for this blog. Sorry for the rant. No I'm not. I needed to get this off my chest.

~Jamie