Jamie equates a mess of large, two-toned hair, anxious about school tomorrow, and seeking help for my dad.
So, summer is packing its bags, but never for good. Just for fall, winter and spring. It's finally getting chilly in the house, which means I am finally dressing appropriately for the season. I am not anxiously awaiting winter, but I'm looking forward to fall, which means October, which means Halloween and many a friends' birthday. Oh, and my birthday. September, though, means STRESS and possibly disappointment, as I will be auditioning for Select Choir. I've been practicing rhythm and sight-reading a lot, but I haven't been paying attention to solfege hardly at all, which is unwise. I still have a little time, probably, though. Well, I hope so. I've improved so much and I really want to be a part of that group.
In other news, I need a little help from you guys, or anyone you know who can help and is willing: my dad is having a wicked tough time with his treatment and everything, and work is crap for him right now, and he's asking Lindsay and I to do some fundraising for him. I know that's a little weird, but I don't want to let him down. If anyone can donate any money to us at all, it would be greatly appreciated. I realize that this is a sucky time for a lot of people, but again, any help at all. This is aimed mostly at people I actually know. If you can help or know anyone who can, email me. Here's to sounding cheesy and feeling uneasy.
(Unintended, not-so-rhythmic rhyme.)
In other news, I've been working a little bit on Carly's story, finally. I have proof on Fictionpress. I have proof of a few things on Fictionpress, actually. Check it out. I would link you to my noteflight as well, but everything I'm working on right now is private because it's not finished, so...I should prolly get rid of that link on my Fictionpress.
In even more other news, I'm freaking hungry like a mofo. All we have to eat is fruit flies and, like, frozen yogurt, the latter of which is quite tasty and good for me...the former smells like rot and overpopulation. One of my least favorite parts of summer is bugs. I don't kill the ones I encounter if I can help it, though. Most people complain that "bugs don't belong in the house," but it's sorta the other way around: our houses don't belong in Nature. We are the intruders, and the fact that we punish the smaller life forms out there for our topsy-turvy thinking is frustrating to me. I get the heebie-jeebies from bugs, too, but a simple solution is BRING THEM OUTSIDE. Suck it up as best you can and find a way to release them.
And with that, I am out. Hope my and all of your schedules are fixed, fellow Pinkertonians!
~James
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Jamie=feeling as though she were living an infinite PMS
But the better part of PMS, which, for me, includes bonkerish quantities of creative energy.
I want to get on a potter's wheel, I want to draw, I want to compose a song, I want to play the Cello, I want to write a novel, I want to write a play...I want to do everything! Plus, I want to be productive and get something done...Maybe I'll clean my room...maybe I'll start an exercise regimen, maybe I'll sit at the piano and learn a song all the way through.
God, I need to get something done!
I've been trying to figure out what I want to go to college for in upcoming years, and I'm entirely overwhelmed. I know that I'm just entering Junior year at school, but I don't want it all to sneak up on me and explode in my face when I haven't made up my mind on what to do. There are so many areas that interest me, and fortunately, most of them fall under the category of Fine or Liberal Arts. These are the things I want to study in college:
Music: Cell0, voice
Visual Art: Ceramics, photography
Literature: Creative writing, play writing
Language: German, Russian, Japanese
Films: Acting, screenwriting, directing
I am going bonkers. Absolutely bonkers, all cooped up in the house and not seeing anyone. Playing a lot of video games and not enough piano, and no Cello whatsoever until I get a farking job. The Sans is gone and I've only just really started sight reading to practice for Select Choir auditions this year. Ahhh!
Is anyone out there seeking a vocalist for a band--any genre of band, except for one that would require me to scream or rap, given I cannot do either? I have a classical-sounding voice but am trying new sounds and would like to work with someone. I seriously need to get started on something musical and follow through with it. I love to harmonize and would be delighted to work with either female or male voices and any combination thereof. Let me know!
I need to go outside more.
~James
But the better part of PMS, which, for me, includes bonkerish quantities of creative energy.
I want to get on a potter's wheel, I want to draw, I want to compose a song, I want to play the Cello, I want to write a novel, I want to write a play...I want to do everything! Plus, I want to be productive and get something done...Maybe I'll clean my room...maybe I'll start an exercise regimen, maybe I'll sit at the piano and learn a song all the way through.
God, I need to get something done!
I've been trying to figure out what I want to go to college for in upcoming years, and I'm entirely overwhelmed. I know that I'm just entering Junior year at school, but I don't want it all to sneak up on me and explode in my face when I haven't made up my mind on what to do. There are so many areas that interest me, and fortunately, most of them fall under the category of Fine or Liberal Arts. These are the things I want to study in college:
Music: Cell0, voice
Visual Art: Ceramics, photography
Literature: Creative writing, play writing
Language: German, Russian, Japanese
Films: Acting, screenwriting, directing
I am going bonkers. Absolutely bonkers, all cooped up in the house and not seeing anyone. Playing a lot of video games and not enough piano, and no Cello whatsoever until I get a farking job. The Sans is gone and I've only just really started sight reading to practice for Select Choir auditions this year. Ahhh!
Is anyone out there seeking a vocalist for a band--any genre of band, except for one that would require me to scream or rap, given I cannot do either? I have a classical-sounding voice but am trying new sounds and would like to work with someone. I seriously need to get started on something musical and follow through with it. I love to harmonize and would be delighted to work with either female or male voices and any combination thereof. Let me know!
I need to go outside more.
~James
Monday, July 6, 2009
Oy!
Jamie=sore and aggravated
Oy.
I can't imagine being as intrusive as so many of the people I observe on a day-to-day basis are. I can't imagine feeling the urge to try to control what another person does. I can hardly fathom throwing such a fit about everything that makes me angry, because even I get pissed off at tiny little things all the time--but it doesn't show, really, does it?
I admire those people who can stand up for what they feel is right unabashedly. They have transcended the sort of cowardice that I feel and think behind. But I don't need to make all my problems everyone else's (I suppose I am doing so, though, in writing this blog). It's almost strange how little it seems to take to set people off externally. People make a lot of things problematic for themselves. I'm fortunate to be laid-back, though I realize that said laid-backness may sometimes come off as a lack of feeling or concern. Honestly, there are some things that just don't matter enough to me for me to throw a hissy fit.
Of course, here, I am ranting, therefore I am making my reactions external. Truthfully, a lot of things make me angry or at least irritated, and it is these things here that I am mentioning that frustrate me and stress me out. There is a conundrum, naturally, and I think it is clearly delineated here: I try to deal with most of my nonsense myself, internally, but it is not in my nature to keep it all to myself, so in the end it is made known, even if I am not shoving it down everyone's throat by throwing a fit or arguing all the time. Your way is not my way, and that does not make either of us wrong or right. I understand, even, the principle behind your way, I think. I just do not apply it to myself.
I'm sorry for denouncing you. I'm tired and irritated because I want to be left alone about some things, because it's being made into a big deal, first by my doing it, then your reacting, then my reacting to your reacting. It's a vicious cycle, and I know I'm not helping. I don't want to feel attacked. For most people, I keep quiet, because it is not my place to tell you what to do. The person I should be concerned with controlling is myself. You see?
I've learned things about certain people that I don't really want to know, because they make me jump at the opportunity to be annoyed about stupid petty things, and I don't like to face things that way. I don't like it to be done to me or to anyone else, either. It is good to see in clearer vision the things that I could have and probably have overlooked, though. I've come to understand some things about myself that I have to overcome and some to accept.
I don't even know if this blog makes sense to anyone but me. It's almost four in the morning and I am so tired. Plus, it smells ueber gnarly in here. I think I need to go to bed. And procure some cheer with which to blog next time. I had a big Blog fanbase on Myspace...hmm...I hope to acquire this on Blogger and on Facebook as well.
Sorry to be so negative in this blog. I've become less tolerant about a lot of things and far more so about others in the recent past. Permanence Prevents Progression.
Naughty night/morning, all!
~Jamie
Oy.
I can't imagine being as intrusive as so many of the people I observe on a day-to-day basis are. I can't imagine feeling the urge to try to control what another person does. I can hardly fathom throwing such a fit about everything that makes me angry, because even I get pissed off at tiny little things all the time--but it doesn't show, really, does it?
I admire those people who can stand up for what they feel is right unabashedly. They have transcended the sort of cowardice that I feel and think behind. But I don't need to make all my problems everyone else's (I suppose I am doing so, though, in writing this blog). It's almost strange how little it seems to take to set people off externally. People make a lot of things problematic for themselves. I'm fortunate to be laid-back, though I realize that said laid-backness may sometimes come off as a lack of feeling or concern. Honestly, there are some things that just don't matter enough to me for me to throw a hissy fit.
Of course, here, I am ranting, therefore I am making my reactions external. Truthfully, a lot of things make me angry or at least irritated, and it is these things here that I am mentioning that frustrate me and stress me out. There is a conundrum, naturally, and I think it is clearly delineated here: I try to deal with most of my nonsense myself, internally, but it is not in my nature to keep it all to myself, so in the end it is made known, even if I am not shoving it down everyone's throat by throwing a fit or arguing all the time. Your way is not my way, and that does not make either of us wrong or right. I understand, even, the principle behind your way, I think. I just do not apply it to myself.
I'm sorry for denouncing you. I'm tired and irritated because I want to be left alone about some things, because it's being made into a big deal, first by my doing it, then your reacting, then my reacting to your reacting. It's a vicious cycle, and I know I'm not helping. I don't want to feel attacked. For most people, I keep quiet, because it is not my place to tell you what to do. The person I should be concerned with controlling is myself. You see?
I've learned things about certain people that I don't really want to know, because they make me jump at the opportunity to be annoyed about stupid petty things, and I don't like to face things that way. I don't like it to be done to me or to anyone else, either. It is good to see in clearer vision the things that I could have and probably have overlooked, though. I've come to understand some things about myself that I have to overcome and some to accept.
I don't even know if this blog makes sense to anyone but me. It's almost four in the morning and I am so tired. Plus, it smells ueber gnarly in here. I think I need to go to bed. And procure some cheer with which to blog next time. I had a big Blog fanbase on Myspace...hmm...I hope to acquire this on Blogger and on Facebook as well.
Sorry to be so negative in this blog. I've become less tolerant about a lot of things and far more so about others in the recent past. Permanence Prevents Progression.
Naughty night/morning, all!
~Jamie
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
I watched all your pins drop and I didn't hear a thing.
Jamie=checkered blue button-down beclad and diggin'.
Everything that's been waiting to happen seems to be happening now.
*Confronting mum about her drinking
*Keith getting out
*My potentially playing and singing with Keith in Portsmouth as sorta a summer job
*Dad's finally admitting to being sick and soon starting treatment
*My puking for the first time in years (minor, but notable enough to me)
*My realization of something that's been lurking about for a while and is now rearing its head (Haha, I will elaborate for select few)
*Cheyenne's graduation from Hesser
*School finally almost getting out
*Falling asleep in school. CONSTANTLY.
*I feel like I'm leaving out something really significant :-\
It's really strange to me that everything chose now, I guess. I dunno, I just want to talk about it, but I don't want to be all whiny and complainy and emo. It's like...I want to tell people all this stuff, but for once I'm holding back. Don't ask, generally, don't tell. Except for here, haha.
Waiting for some thunderstorms; there's been plenty of rain so far this summer :-\.
On the bright side, soon I'll be staying up and sleeping in every day and finally letting the larynx get some recognition from people who don't know me. Does that make me a whore? ;) Earning up for a cello and college that way, hopefully. And by the looks of things regarding dad's treatment, we won't be going to Florida this summer, which is just fine by me. I'm looking forward to just staying home.
I had my last tape test of the year today, and I finished pretty early, which is unlike me. I feel pretty confident about it. I've aced all my others so far this year :). Also, I got a 100% on my Chorus competency, which I don't entirely get, because I think I tend to sing too loudly and with too heavy of a timbre to match the other singers in my section. The competency was for Blend and Balance...hmm. I always luck out.
Also, our concert last Wednesday went really well! And Mr. Quigley and Mrs. Clark's folks did an awesome job. They put on such a show; I wish y'all'd been there. Now that is a contraction if ever I did see or type one.
Mm, yees.
~James
Everything that's been waiting to happen seems to be happening now.
*Confronting mum about her drinking
*Keith getting out
*My potentially playing and singing with Keith in Portsmouth as sorta a summer job
*Dad's finally admitting to being sick and soon starting treatment
*My puking for the first time in years (minor, but notable enough to me)
*My realization of something that's been lurking about for a while and is now rearing its head (Haha, I will elaborate for select few)
*Cheyenne's graduation from Hesser
*School finally almost getting out
*Falling asleep in school. CONSTANTLY.
*I feel like I'm leaving out something really significant :-\
It's really strange to me that everything chose now, I guess. I dunno, I just want to talk about it, but I don't want to be all whiny and complainy and emo. It's like...I want to tell people all this stuff, but for once I'm holding back. Don't ask, generally, don't tell. Except for here, haha.
Waiting for some thunderstorms; there's been plenty of rain so far this summer :-\.
On the bright side, soon I'll be staying up and sleeping in every day and finally letting the larynx get some recognition from people who don't know me. Does that make me a whore? ;) Earning up for a cello and college that way, hopefully. And by the looks of things regarding dad's treatment, we won't be going to Florida this summer, which is just fine by me. I'm looking forward to just staying home.
I had my last tape test of the year today, and I finished pretty early, which is unlike me. I feel pretty confident about it. I've aced all my others so far this year :). Also, I got a 100% on my Chorus competency, which I don't entirely get, because I think I tend to sing too loudly and with too heavy of a timbre to match the other singers in my section. The competency was for Blend and Balance...hmm. I always luck out.
Also, our concert last Wednesday went really well! And Mr. Quigley and Mrs. Clark's folks did an awesome job. They put on such a show; I wish y'all'd been there. Now that is a contraction if ever I did see or type one.
Mm, yees.
~James
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Ugh.
Jamie=kinda fed up with feeling obligated to listen and prove herself
Because I'm not proving a damned thing, nor should I always have to.
I just feel like lately, people are trying to control me waaayyy too much and they're really not listening to what I have to say. I feel like my choices have to be theirs or else everyone's angry at me.
I'm feeling animosity towards people I love dearly; it's become exhausting and disappointing being around them, and I feel betrayed. I put myself in a position where I felt it necessary to lie bold-faced and break promises because I realized that they were not made for me in any sense. I promised to appease other people and thought that maybe I could follow through.
So.
I will not make promises that I'm not assured that I can keep. I need to think things through before I know a damned thing. I will hurt people if I am made to make decisions or promises before their prime. It was foolish of me to do it in the first place. I fucked a lot of people over that way.
That being said:
Do not ask me to promise you anything right away. Ever. I am not a rash person, but I rushed myself and made myself into one. Crash and burn. I am upset by what people were asking of me. I'm tempted to believe that it is better for you to wait for me to make even a simple decision than for me to say I'll do something and then do something else.
Be patient. Not just with me, though.
My convictions have been very much tried all along the way, and I can't blame anyone but myself for my actions. I am no villain, however. I just need to act for myself, okay? You all are allowed that privilege.
All right, all right, I'm making it sound like I'm a slave or something. I know that I'm not. I know that I am the only one who can put myself at someone else's mercy. I have a lot to learn, still.
I need some space from people who try to influence me so much. I love you for you. I don't want you to change...
Well, that's about it for this blog. Sorry for the rant. No I'm not. I needed to get this off my chest.
~Jamie
Because I'm not proving a damned thing, nor should I always have to.
I just feel like lately, people are trying to control me waaayyy too much and they're really not listening to what I have to say. I feel like my choices have to be theirs or else everyone's angry at me.
I'm feeling animosity towards people I love dearly; it's become exhausting and disappointing being around them, and I feel betrayed. I put myself in a position where I felt it necessary to lie bold-faced and break promises because I realized that they were not made for me in any sense. I promised to appease other people and thought that maybe I could follow through.
So.
I will not make promises that I'm not assured that I can keep. I need to think things through before I know a damned thing. I will hurt people if I am made to make decisions or promises before their prime. It was foolish of me to do it in the first place. I fucked a lot of people over that way.
That being said:
Do not ask me to promise you anything right away. Ever. I am not a rash person, but I rushed myself and made myself into one. Crash and burn. I am upset by what people were asking of me. I'm tempted to believe that it is better for you to wait for me to make even a simple decision than for me to say I'll do something and then do something else.
Be patient. Not just with me, though.
My convictions have been very much tried all along the way, and I can't blame anyone but myself for my actions. I am no villain, however. I just need to act for myself, okay? You all are allowed that privilege.
All right, all right, I'm making it sound like I'm a slave or something. I know that I'm not. I know that I am the only one who can put myself at someone else's mercy. I have a lot to learn, still.
I need some space from people who try to influence me so much. I love you for you. I don't want you to change...
Well, that's about it for this blog. Sorry for the rant. No I'm not. I needed to get this off my chest.
~Jamie
Monday, March 30, 2009
I enjoy talking without anything to say : )
Blogblogblogblog...
BLOGBLOGBLOGBLOG!
(To the tune of Beethoven's Fifth ;))
Hello, my lovely fellow folktypes.
You haven't as of yet gotten to know me. (Unless you have). Either way, all the things I want to talk about in this blog are moot. If you don't know me, it's just too much that you don't know the background of. If you do know me well, then you know all about it and there's no point.
I'm a stupid little teenager. But it's so...oh, ass.
But in actual news...happy Spring, all! It's rainy in Jamieville, as well as Derry, my place of residence and Home until I head off to college. I love when it rains. :) And I really don't want to wait for thunderstorms.
I've started drawing a bit again lately. Soon as I have access to a scanner or webcam, I'll prove it on Deviantart. In the meantime, critique my work, yeah? Also, for much more blog action, check out my Myspace.
Also, I have a concert in two days. I'm not sure that Wednesday is a good day for concerts, but...that's okay. I just don't think we're ready to perform yet...*grimace*
Ah well, I think that's all I have for now. Just thought I'd waste some webspace. :)
~Jamie
BLOGBLOGBLOGBLOG!
(To the tune of Beethoven's Fifth ;))
Hello, my lovely fellow folktypes.
You haven't as of yet gotten to know me. (Unless you have). Either way, all the things I want to talk about in this blog are moot. If you don't know me, it's just too much that you don't know the background of. If you do know me well, then you know all about it and there's no point.
I'm a stupid little teenager. But it's so...oh, ass.
But in actual news...happy Spring, all! It's rainy in Jamieville, as well as Derry, my place of residence and Home until I head off to college. I love when it rains. :) And I really don't want to wait for thunderstorms.
I've started drawing a bit again lately. Soon as I have access to a scanner or webcam, I'll prove it on Deviantart. In the meantime, critique my work, yeah? Also, for much more blog action, check out my Myspace.
Also, I have a concert in two days. I'm not sure that Wednesday is a good day for concerts, but...that's okay. I just don't think we're ready to perform yet...*grimace*
Ah well, I think that's all I have for now. Just thought I'd waste some webspace. :)
~Jamie
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