Oy!

Jamie=sore and aggravated

Oy.

I can't imagine being as intrusive as so many of the people I observe on a day-to-day basis are. I can't imagine feeling the urge to try to control what another person does. I can hardly fathom throwing such a fit about everything that makes me angry, because even I get pissed off at tiny little things all the time--but it doesn't show, really, does it?

I admire those people who can stand up for what they feel is right unabashedly. They have transcended the sort of cowardice that I feel and think behind. But I don't need to make all my problems everyone else's (I suppose I am doing so, though, in writing this blog). It's almost strange how little it seems to take to set people off externally. People make a lot of things problematic for themselves. I'm fortunate to be laid-back, though I realize that said laid-backness may sometimes come off as a lack of feeling or concern. Honestly, there are some things that just don't matter enough to me for me to throw a hissy fit.

Of course, here, I am ranting, therefore I am making my reactions external. Truthfully, a lot of things make me angry or at least irritated, and it is these things here that I am mentioning that frustrate me and stress me out. There is a conundrum, naturally, and I think it is clearly delineated here: I try to deal with most of my nonsense myself, internally, but it is not in my nature to keep it all to myself, so in the end it is made known, even if I am not shoving it down everyone's throat by throwing a fit or arguing all the time. Your way is not my way, and that does not make either of us wrong or right. I understand, even, the principle behind your way, I think. I just do not apply it to myself.

I'm sorry for denouncing you. I'm tired and irritated because I want to be left alone about some things, because it's being made into a big deal, first by my doing it, then your reacting, then my reacting to your reacting. It's a vicious cycle, and I know I'm not helping. I don't want to feel attacked. For most people, I keep quiet, because it is not my place to tell you what to do. The person I should be concerned with controlling is myself. You see?

I've learned things about certain people that I don't really want to know, because they make me jump at the opportunity to be annoyed about stupid petty things, and I don't like to face things that way. I don't like it to be done to me or to anyone else, either. It is good to see in clearer vision the things that I could have and probably have overlooked, though. I've come to understand some things about myself that I have to overcome and some to accept.

I don't even know if this blog makes sense to anyone but me. It's almost four in the morning and I am so tired. Plus, it smells ueber gnarly in here. I think I need to go to bed. And procure some cheer with which to blog next time. I had a big Blog fanbase on Myspace...hmm...I hope to acquire this on Blogger and on Facebook as well.

Sorry to be so negative in this blog. I've become less tolerant about a lot of things and far more so about others in the recent past. Permanence Prevents Progression.

Naughty night/morning, all!

~Jamie